My glasses are dirty. I evaluate, clean and place back in their right place. I think I’ve always been afraid of the end of the world. Or, rather, intrigued. Nope, afraid too. Because what if I’m wearing my contacts that day? And my glasses are no where to be found. My vision has gotten progressively worse. Comforting, isn’t it? What if it’s the end of the world and I can’t see! 

Begging to have a real, vulnerable, emotional experience, she repeated the words in front of her. “To love thee, O Jesus, I have but today.” “To love thee, O Jesus, I have but today.” It wasn’t that long ago that she exclaimed, “Tears are weakness and most often unnecessary!” Spending most of her life walking on eggshells, this philosophy made sense. You see, her family never spoke of feelings. It was easy to speak of other people’s feelings or to make assumptions, but since things had changed (and let’s face it, they always are), they stopped speaking honestly. Or maybe, they never had. She whispered truth under her breath and when overheard, only defensive disbelief remained. After all, it probably wasn’t her place. She couldn’t imagine a world without truth speakers, though, and often took it upon herself to help (make) people understand. It was rare that anyone had an epiphany because of her. (Don’t tell her, please.) And, now, laying in her bed, the book now on her face in order to provide shelter, she cried. The words still on her lips, “To love thee, O Jesus, I have but today.” She thought of the pain she was harboring in her stomach, the fullness she felt in her heart. She spoke of the losses recently experienced. A job that was no longer hers, love that was never hers, a nearing move and an entirely uncertain future. Drenched by her tears, she realized that secrets are silly. Maybe it was inspired by the sermon given earlier that day. The pastor gave an example of a man that lived in lies and once they were exposed, he found that there was nothing to fear. She longed to live outside of fear. This was, in fact, impossible without tears.